Saturday, April 25, 2015
Dark Days and Ill Omens
You see today is my wife's annual spring brunch for her female dental students. In past years, our house was filled with 40-50 twenty something young lady dentists-to-be guzzeling down mounds of fine french food and gulping gallons of wine while learning how to keep their man under their thumb from one of the masters of the art. A joyous feast that made the halls of Valhalla green with envy.
Not so for this year, as our normal caterer Eric has retired back to Quebec' and my wife selected a replacement. Unfortunately this replacement, who shall not be named due to public safety concerns, has managed to screw up the menu. Instead of little fluffy quiches, salmon canopies, and other french delicacies as was specified by my wife - in writing, our intrepid soon-to-be-former caterer will be delivering buffalo wings, a burger bar and other somewhat masculine items. Apparently he has mixed up the dates for our event and baseball coaches party the following week. Lets us say that news of this transgression was not met with joy by the Lady of the House.
Ever ready to change adversity into advantage - one of the benefits of being a tabletop gamer, I boldly suggested to my wife that we run with what the fates have decided and go with a neo-classic bachelor party theme for this years event. I even, out of the goodness of my heart, offered to go out and get a keg or beer, invite my gaming buddies over, rent a stripper pole and even organize a wet T-Shirt contest as the weather is very nice today. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help out my lovely wife. Moreover, what 24 year old young lady wouldn't be captivated by exciting tales of derring-do on the table top? "AND then I rolled a SIX!!!!!" Sadly, these bold yet tasteful suggestions where met with a stony silence as my wife finds the bonds of conventional decorum to burdensome to slip.
So what have I been doing whilst my UK friends are getting ready for Salute? Making F'ing quiches all night long, literally. Asparagus quiches, quiche lorraine, if it can go into a G-D quiche I made it last night. I'm now about to leave the house at 6:15am to drive to the fish market to get fresh salmon. Help me......
It's disappointing that my wife couldn't see the fun that a wet T-shirt contest might be for a professional women's event. Of course I would need to judge and out of decorum and class would promise not to rate any contestant below a "5" out of 10 - this is a social function after all. I'm not a barbarian.