Saturday, April 25, 2015

Dark Days and Ill Omens

Things look grim as I peer out of the Lair this morning.  My once happy household is overcome with fear and foreboding - what has brought us to this sad state of affairs?  A catering mix up of epic proportions.

You see today is my wife's annual spring brunch for her female dental students.  In past years, our house was filled with 40-50 twenty something young lady dentists-to-be guzzeling down mounds of fine french food and gulping gallons of wine while learning how to keep their man under their thumb from one of the masters of the art.  A joyous feast that made the halls of Valhalla green with envy.

Not so for this year, as our normal caterer Eric has retired back to Quebec' and my wife selected a replacement.  Unfortunately this replacement, who shall not be named due to public safety concerns, has managed to screw up the menu.  Instead of little fluffy quiches, salmon canopies, and other french delicacies as was specified by my wife - in writing, our intrepid soon-to-be-former caterer will be delivering  buffalo wings, a burger bar and other somewhat masculine items.  Apparently he has mixed up the dates for our event and baseball coaches party the following week.  Lets us say that news of this transgression was not met with joy by the Lady of the House.

Ever ready to change adversity into advantage - one of the benefits of being a tabletop gamer, I boldly suggested to my wife that we run with what the fates have decided and go with a neo-classic bachelor party theme for this years event.  I even, out of the goodness of my heart, offered to go out and get a keg or beer, invite my gaming buddies over, rent a stripper pole and even organize a wet T-Shirt contest as the weather is very nice today.  There's nothing I wouldn't do to help out my lovely wife.  Moreover, what 24 year old young lady wouldn't be captivated by exciting tales of derring-do on the table top?  "AND then I rolled a SIX!!!!!"  Sadly, these bold yet tasteful suggestions where met with a stony silence as my wife finds the bonds of conventional decorum to burdensome to slip.

So what have I been doing whilst my UK friends are getting ready for Salute?  Making F'ing quiches all night long, literally.  Asparagus quiches, quiche lorraine, if it can go into a G-D quiche I made it last night.  I'm now about to leave the house at 6:15am to drive to the fish market to get fresh salmon.  Help me......

It's disappointing that my wife couldn't see the fun that a wet T-shirt contest might be for a professional women's event.  Of course I would need to judge and out of decorum and class would promise not to rate any contestant below a "5" out of 10 - this is a social function after all.  I'm not a barbarian.


12 comments:

Dannoc said...

Your tale has tickled me - I can fully understand your ideas, especially the keg and wet t-shirt. I think a couple of re-rolls should have done the trick - maybe a best of 3?
Good luck
Dan

Clarence Harrison said...

Thanks for that... Having a crappy day myself and this made me LoL...

Peter Douglas said...

Miles
Nearly did a spit take on this one. I do have two suggestions
1. Keep the wings and burgers and have your gaming buddies over for a day long bash once the young ladies leave.
2. Let the young ladies practice dentistry on the caterer without anesthetic.
Cheers
PD

DeanM said...

Interesting menu change - couldn't have been more different in both tastes and presentation. For the record, I've never experienced quiche.

Solo wargaming-on a budget! said...

"And then I rolled a 6"....that had me rolling with laughter...well done Sir!

Doc Smith said...

You are a brave, brave man Miles. Perhaps TOO brave. You do know of course our Ministers for War and Finance have the memory of an elephant. Expect to be reminded of your dance pole and wet T-shirt suggestions (laudable as they are) at any time for the rest of your natural. Your quiche enslavement is probably only the first installment of your punishment.

Michael Graham said...

It sounds as if you were willing to take one for the team in regards to judging a wet t-shirt contest. All I can say is that you are credit to gamers and husbands everywhere. Well done sir.

Mike

TamsinP said...

Having worked in a medical school for longer than I wish to say, I can affirm that the female medical students are often more "laddish" than their male counterparts. I imagine that your CinC's female dental students are not that dissimilar and might have appreciated the man-food and keg.

However, good for you making all those quiches. I do hope your culinary efforts are appreciated :)

john de terre neuve said...

All I can say is WOW

legatus hedlius said...

Very funny! They look so nice now but when they are standing over you with a frantically rotating drill they will all look rather different!

Michael Mills said...

I'm still waiting to see the quiche production spreadsheet...

Phyllion said...

Haha, I love reading about your annual spring dental student bash! This is the most entertaining instalment yet (no doubt less so for your wife and your good self)