Sunday, May 13, 2012

WWPD + Ballet = Disaster

Cue ominous music please.  I have a tale of woe to pass onto to my dear readers.  Please learn from my example so that I do not suffer in vain.  First a little background:

I'm married to the wonderful and lovely Mary Beth (aka "Iron Daisey"), who is a former ballet dancer and hence loves going to see the ballet where she used to perform.  As her husband, it's my duty, oops I meant to say privilege, to escort her to these performances six or seven times a year as we have a subscription.  Unfortunately, I'm really not into the ballet (shocker!) and in fact struggle to stay awake during the performances.  Surprisingly, one can get into a lot of trouble if one snores during a performance - trust me on that point.

As we were preparing to go down to the Kennedy Center, I noticed that episode 36 of the WWPD podcast was out and available and I had a "brilliant" idea.  I could download the episode, and listen to it with one ear bud in my left ear as my wife sits on my right side.  It was a good plan - I even went and found my set of ear buds that are black to reduce the chance of being seen in the dark theater.  Oh I was being very crafty that night.  In fact, I even came up with a mission name - Operational Audio Escape.

My plan got off to a great start and seemed to be a real win-win.  Both my wife and I were enjoying the performances we wanted to participate in, she with the Ballet and me the WWPD podcast.  By the third act things were were even better - no "stares of death" from my wife due to snoring and I was enjoying the podcast - in fact for a few seconds I could swear I saw Steve, John and Luke gliding about on the stage as they danced a balletic interpretation of the Huzzah Hobbies Tournament.  Yes, it was a magical evening.

As the curtain came down on the ballet, so it did on the success of Operation Audio Escape.  You see, all plans have at least one fatal flaw.  My plan's flaw was as simple as it was devastating.  Once the lights came on, I turned asked my wife how was the show and her response was a "9th level of hell icy stare of death".  You ask why?  I had forgotten to take the ear bud out!  BUSTED!!!!!

Yes I'm now enduring a double punishment - I'm both in the Dog House "big time" according to my wife and I can't get the image of Steve, John and Luke pirouetting in their white unitards out of my mind.  Oh the horror, the horror.

What's the moral of this story.  If you have to go to the ballet, man up and do it - don't get tricky - it's not worth the risk and our wives are smarter than us.

Editorial Note: (In case my wife reads this)
In all fairness to the Washington Ballet, last night's performance was actually pretty good (as these things go for me) and the music was great - lots of Bossa Nova and Mexican guitars.  But the highlight was a set performed between the first and second act by Toto la Momposina - a Columbian singer who literally brought the house down.  I even paused the podcast!


Peter Douglas said...


Yow know we've all been there and done that! It's kind of like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

I'm always amazed by the guys who seem to get away with affairs and the like - given that I can't sneak an authorized snack without getting busted!

Good luck in the dog house.



Steven MacLauchlan said...

hahahha oh man, tell your wife we're terribly sorry for corrupting you!

I've seen Luke Pirouette. Trust me, it's something you'll never forget.

Peter Douglas said...

FYI I'll be joining you in the doghouse see my "oops" at


jmilesr said...

Steve - it wasn't so much the Luke's pirouetting that got me - it was his unitard - it seems the damn thing kept riding up - AHHhhhhhhhh, someone pass me the mind bleach.....

At least episode 36 had some good content - another great episode but a very high effective delivery cost

Luke said...

I will provide pictures next week of Jon, Steve and I with tutu's on for your next ballet experience.

Yet Another Wargaming Blogger said...

Luke, you shouldn't publish threats like that publicly. That would be as scary as the podcast is full of win.

Monty said...

Very funny Miles :) Our ingenuity knows no bounds when feigning interest in 'the other halves'

Ray Rousell said...

lol! A clever idea, next time (if there is a next time?) but some flesh coloured ear buds!!!